Jumping In

"Do you need a grand, detailed, complete plan before you can begin your hero's journey? Has this become an excuse for never taking the first step?"

Yes, and yes. 

This question, posed in the book A Field Guide for the Hero's Journey by Jeff Sandifer and Rev. Robert Sirico, hit me hard. The hero's journey they're talking about is that of the entrepreneur, and the fear that I don't know exactly what to do is the main thing that has kept me from taking the first step. 

In every other aspect of my life, I'm not a planner. Believe me, it drives my husband nuts. When we go on vacation he wants to have our days planned out; I want to see how we feel and be okay discovering new things. When we moved to a new city for college and didn't have a place to live even just a couple of weeks before we had to be there he was completely stressed out and I was calm, believing that we could only do what we could do and if we did it would all be fine. I barely know what's for dinner tonight. 

So, why is the idea of starting a business so different for me? For that matter, I think I'm this way about any job. Some people can work a job and not care about it a bit, but I've always been fiercely loyal. Also, some people can lose a job and not feel like it's the end of the world, but to me, it seems like one of the biggest, most terrible things that could happen. So again I ask, why?

I'm beginning to realize that it likely comes from my need to feel financially secure. I hate to say that I grew up very poor, not because I'm ashamed of it, but because I don't feel that it was any kind of handicap, and because I never felt deprived. My parents were both around and they both worked hard, but there were a lot of us and money was always in short supply. We always had food to eat, but sometimes the power or the water would get shut off for a day. I thought Hamburger Helper and Rice-a-Roni were rich people food. 

Most of all, I remember the stress that finances put on my parents and never wanting to contribute to that stress. When I was nine years old I started babysitting for my mom's friend and the first time I got paid I bought dinner for my family. From that moment I never asked my parents for money, tried to buy my own clothes, paid for all my own entertainment, and tried to contribute to the family. Sometimes I would simply supplement, such as when we'd buy a Christmas tree and my parents had a budget but I wanted a bigger tree so I'd pay the difference. 

Since that first babysitting job at nine years old, I've always had money. I've never had a high-paying job, but I've always spent less than I've made. I don't need fancy things and I'm naturally cautious with my money. But am I more than cautious? Am I simply afraid? 

Probably.