Why

 When I signed up for Intro to Entrepreneurship I didn't anticipate that I'd do much soul-searching or personal development, but I did. I have spent 14 weeks reading about and watching videos of passionate, motivated, focused people telling me what makes them so excited about their job and what they contribute to the world and it's made me look at myself as I never have before. 

I have always been a strange combination of feeling small and insignificant while also feeling like I'm the most fantastic and important person in the world. I don't know how to describe it any better than that. I've always felt that I have something special to give the world, but I've never had a clear, driving sense of what it is. What I have had is a fear of failure and even a fear of success should I actually try at something, so I coast along.

I was discussing this with a close friend the other day and saying that I'm finally starting to try and push myself and she - being kind and supportive - told me that I'm amazing, to which I agreed but with the caveat, "Imagine how great I could be if I actually tried!"

I'm sorry if this feels self-aggrandizing, but I'm trying to represent myself honestly because I need to really see myself honestly. And, honestly, I can fake my way through most things pretty successfully. People have always described me as being a go-getter but I've never really gone for anything that someone else didn't make me do. My natural state is capable but lazy. And I need to stop.

Or, rather, I need to go. Through this course, I've learned from many entrepreneurs who have set their sights on something and worked until they achieved it. And, for the first time, I've tried to put some of it to practice in my own life. 10 weeks ago I wrote about Jim Ritchie's Formula for Success and how I couldn't vouch for its efficacy because I couldn't get past #1) Get up early. I decided to give it a try for a week and see how it went, so I set my alarm for 6am and it has been there ever since. I certainly felt like quitting at the end of that experimental week, but part of my regimen was to listen to talks from the General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints each morning on my walk, and just as I was thinking I was done I heard a talk that used climbing Mt Fuji as an allegory for facing our own trials and weaknesses one step at a time. So here I am, 10 weeks later, still waking up at 6am each day and going for a walk when it's 28 degrees outside. 

I've added to my morning walks by listening to audiobooks that will help me figure out what drives me. I've listened to Steven Covey and Simon Sinnek talk about leading with a purpose and finding my "Why". I've pondered on that question of Why more than anything else. I feel I have something to give, but what and why? Sinnek's advice is to work with someone else for an outside perspective of your life, telling them stories that evoked a strong emotional response in you and letting them discover the threads that show why you do what you do. Then, you draft it into a Why Statement in the form of, "To ___ so that ___." It wasn't even in the reading for this class, but it might be the most important thing I got out of it. 

That's because it sums up perfectly what so many entrepreneurs throughout the class have said: Don't start a business to make money, do it to fill a need and create meaning. If you do, money will often follow, but even if it doesn't you will feel fulfilled. And that's the same advice I would give. Some of the most empty people have the most money and vice versa, but it's not the money that makes them empty or full, it's their purpose and how they contribute to individuals and the world at large. Find your purpose, your Why, and you will be rich.